A recent hepatitis outbreak at GW Law School has been traced to the rampant use of "rolling backpacks."
Asked how the so-called "wheelie bags" were responsible, a CDC official explained "students wheel these things across urine-soaked public restroom floors, through the Metro - and then put them up on the desks and tables that other students eat off of."
Because of the infestation, the CDC has ordered GW students to wear hazmat suits on campus between classes, and have confiscated all wheelie bags.
Wheelie bag proponents have responded with outrage at the accusations and the seizure of the wheelie bags. "I am OUTRAGED! How will I justify riding the elevator from the First to the Second Floor without people giving me shameful looks?!"