Monday, March 19, 2007

GW Allows Homeless To Sleep In Moot Court Room In Exchange For Exam-Grading Services

In response to faculty complaints about “low pay and long work hours,” exacerbated by the stress of grading student exams, The Dean’s Office has launched “Operation: Home-more” which will offer DC homeless persons the opportunity to live in the Burns Moot Court Room in exchange for their exam-grading services. According to one professor, who asked to remain anonymous, "I teach a course a week and earn a paltry $500,000, and they expect me to grade 80 exams within 2 months?!"

The GW federalist society initially opposed the plan based on hygiene concerns. “Our founding fathers were concerned with the tyranny of the unwashed masses – as originalists, we cannot support a plan which will allow the unwashed masses into our bathrooms to, you know, become washed masses. We must maintain them as unwashed.”

In response to those concerns, the Dean’s Office installed G-World card swipers to all first floor bathrooms. When the homeless complained that the swipe-card access violated the agreement, the Dean’s Office responded, “read the fine print – if they wanted use of bathroom facilities, they should have contracted for them. We are, however, willing to give the homeless residents free parking in the Faculty Parking as consolation.” One homeless Moot Court room resident retorted, “yeah, well let’s see ‘em put card swipes on all those plastic plants!”