Saturday, March 3, 2007

Cart Lady Busted for Cartelization, Price-Fixing; Claims Framed by Uptowner Cafe

Federal prosecutors arrested the Cart Lady this weekend for engaging in cartelization in violation of the Sherman Act, and also on federal racketeering charges. Prosecutor Sam Jensen said, "we have a strong case against Ms. Cart Lady - have you ever noticed that all the overcooked, three day old hot dogs down H St cost the exact same amount? She has been leading the other cart vendors in price fixing for years."

The charges challenge the cuddly image of the Cart Lady, who was honored by an SBA bill in 2004. According to, "students love her. If you are short on cash she'll feed you if you promise to pay her back later." Said Prosecutor Jensen, "sure she's easy to love if you promise to pay her back - but do you know how much a $1.50 soft pretzel costs after 20 weeks of 500% interest?? The Cartel enforcers aren't as easy to love."

Asked for comment, the Cart Lady responded, "Uptowner Cafe FRAMING me! They stealing my customers! They selling hot dogs $.99! and giant Pretzels with low-grade mustard! That MY TRADEMARK item!"

Uptowner Cafe declined comment.